Here i am....sitting in a dark room (everyone else is sleep) on the computer jotting down all of my feelings to this here blog. I have just been a complete debby downer today. Just not feeling the "christmas spirit" at all.
It's just NOT in me.
"what's wrong" "nothing"
"you alright?" "does it look like i'm alright"
"SMILE" "-__-"
that's basicallly been my day...(smh)
is it me? am i the problem?.....or is it not my fault that i just cant seem to be happy today.
I'm texting my friend (well a dude i kinda used to talk to)....he's one of the one's on my list i definetly do NOT deserve. After me and my ex broke up about jan. of last year i started talking to him. (He's so sweet)
At first i liked him and we went out but it only lasted a week because i didn't feel "attracted" to him. (AM I HORRIBLE...OR WHAT?) So i broke it off but instead (to not hurt his feelings) todd him that i wasn't ready. So....this dude has stayed by my side and waited for me (even though i knew it was never really going to happen). He would've been like the most perfect long term boyfriend. So...finally i told him i just liked him as a friend and this dude (being the awesome forgiving person he is) still is my friend and it still there whenever i need him. i love him for that and i DEFINETLY do not deserve him.
Well since i'm on a streak i'll tell you about the other dude i definetly do not deserve. My best dude friend is the most outgoing, fun loving, wonderful, spirited, just down to earth person i know. I love him like ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY love him. (even though i've never told him that). Me and him went out my 8th grade year for like a couple of months (nobody knows but he was my first boyfriend....I know i was late at the whole couple thing but whatever)...we always knew(even after we broke up) we would also be close because we just always had that type of connection...he's like our personalities are perfect for eachother...Ever since 8th grade we haven't gon long without talking to eachother. we can go months w/o contact but as soon as we text or get together it's like we were never apart. And never like on a sexual level we just like eachother company and can talk about anything for HOURS. He's the person i can go to for anything. To be honest i feel as though he'll ALWAYS be there for me (as a friend and as a boyfriend) I feel like whenever i'm ready to start a relationship again...he'll be down. and truthfully i feel as if i've already found my soulmate like i can see this dude as my actual husband one day. That's why right now i just feel we need to remain friends and have the fun and experience life and singles and then later on down the road when the time is right........or maybe it's just me being lost in the romantic movie world filled with false hopes and dreams..and maybe i just need to be more focused on now than the future...idk
Well i just went on a rant about these two guys..huh? i guess once i get started i can't stop(well i can stop but you know what i mean) comment and tell me what you think about these two guys based on what i've told you...give me some insight you know i need.
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